Venison Chili Recipe

The other day a guy told me there was a quick and easy way to make chili. I body-slammed the little pervert, then picked him up and threw him down the stairs. There should not be a quick, easy way to make chili! Making it is as much fun as eating it. You’re cheating yourself if you hurry through it.

It should be a drizzly, gloomy day; you should be slightly depressed and in need of a little cheering up. Here’s my recipe:

1. Shoot one deer. If you don’t have a chain saw or weed whacker, have your deer professionally butchered.

2. Brown and drain 2 lbs. of venison hamburger in a big, deep skillet.

3. While the meat is browning melt 2 Tbs. of bacon drippings in another skillet.

4. Sautee in bacon drippings, ¾ C. chopped onion, ½ chopped garlic clove, ½ C. chopped green pepper, sprinkle with Cavender’s Greek seasoning. Add some jalapeno peppers if you want it lethal. Personally I don’t think eating should be painful.

5. While this stuff is sautéing, add the following ingredients to a small container:

• 1 Tsp. Salt
• 4 Tbs. Chili Powder
•  2 Tsp. Dried Oregano
•  2 Tsp. Cumin

6. Add the sautéed ingredients and the spices to the drained meat. Stir in 2 C. of canned tomatoes. Add 1 to 2 cups of bloody Mary mix. Stir and bring to a boil. Add one 15 oz. can of red kidney beans, lower heat, let simmer for 20 minutes.

7. Use these 20 minutes to fix yourself a drink, enjoy the enticing odors coming from your kitchen, and contemplate the wondrous thing you have wrought. Then help yourself to a bowl of your masterpiece, sprinkle shredded cheddar cheese on top and serve with Doritos and a frosty mug of Boulevard Bully Porter.

8. Be sure to have an extra pair of undershorts handy.