Category: Humor
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A Buck’s Worst Nightmare
You’re a whitetail buck and the rut is on. Your neck is swollen with lust, you’re rubbing your new antlers on every little tree you can find and making scrapes in the ground all over your territory trying to find the right girl for you. What is your worst nightmare?
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Cocker Spaniels
The other day my wife played bridge with a woman who brought along a Cocker spaniel. She said it was a service dog. When my wife asked what kind of service a Cocker spaniel could provide, the woman said the dog was trained to pick things up off the floor for its owner. You know, for old geezers like us who can’t bend over…and get back up.
Most service dogs I’ve seen have been Labs, goldens, or German shepherds. My Labs have all been smart dogs but I can’t see them being trained to pick things up off the floor and give them to me. When any of my Labs found anything on the floor they would automatically eat it, roll in it, or try to have sex with it.
Cocker spaniels were once upland hunting dogs but down through the ages their hunting instincts were bred out of them. I know people like that. I call them Human Cocker Spaniels. They think meat is something you buy wrapped in paper at the grocery store… or they don’t eat it at all.
That’s why, when people refer to me as a Neanderthal, I take it as a compliment.
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The Return Of Bambi
Remember the classic Disney movie Bambi that we all saw when we were kids? If memory serves me correctly the cruel hunters shot Bambi’s mom. Normal kids were horrified but personally I thought the bitch had it coming.
This little clip is from my book Antlers Away, available on Amazon.com or you can order one from me and I’ll sign it and draw a little picture of a deer inside the front cover at no extra charge.
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Orvis and Bead Head
Remember Beavis and Butt Head? Could you identify with them? Me neither, but I thought they were funny in a junior high school sort of way. Maybe I would’ve liked them even more if they had been fly fishermen… like Orvis and Bead Head.
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It’s Tweener Time
Once again it’s Tweener Time when we are treated to one of those cartoons that’s too raunchy for outdoor magazines but too outdoorsy for Playboy.
The full moon that occurs in the fall is often referred to as a harvest moon or hunter’s moon. Maybe if I redraw this and put undershorts on the guy someone will buy it. Or maybe it just isn’t very funny.
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Another Tweener
As explained earlier, a Tweener is a cartoon that’s too raunchy for outdoor publications but too outdoorsy for Playboy. It’s in between. This one was close, but maybe it brought back unpleasant memories for the editors.
If you’ve ever had a 100 pound Labrador retriever fall in love with your leg on a cold morning you’ll understand.
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A Funny Year
My story Duck Math, published in Delta Waterfowl magazine, took first place in the Magazine Contest: Humor Category of the 2013 Outdoor Writers Association of America Excellence In Craft contests.
Two of my cartoons from Wildfowl magazine took first and second place in the Illustration/Graphic contest.
Illustration from Duck Math -
Tweener Time
Once again it’s Tweener Time. Tweeners are those cartoons too raunchy for outdoor publications but to outdoorsy for Playboy.
Catfishermen with stink bait have nothing on bow hunters, who use a variety of smelly substances to mask their own odor. Raccoon urine was in vogue for a while but you don’t hear much about it lately. Maybe the supply dried up (pun intended).
