Venison Chili Recipe

The other day a guy told me there was a quick and easy way to make chili. I body-slammed the little pervert, then picked him up and threw him down the stairs. There should not be a quick, easy way to make chili! Making it is as much fun as eating it. You’re cheating yourself if you hurry through it.

It should be a drizzly, gloomy day; you should be slightly depressed and in need of a little cheering up. Here’s my recipe:

1. Shoot one deer. If you don’t have a chain saw or weed whacker, have your deer professionally butchered.

2. Brown and drain 2 lbs. of venison hamburger in a big, deep skillet.

3. While the meat is browning melt 2 Tbs. of bacon drippings in another skillet.

4. Sautee in bacon drippings, ¾ C. chopped onion, ½ chopped garlic clove, ½ C. chopped green pepper, sprinkle with Cavender’s Greek seasoning. Add some jalapeno peppers if you want it lethal. Personally I don’t think eating should be painful.

5. While this stuff is sautéing, add the following ingredients to a small container:

  • 1 Tsp. Salt
  • 4 Tbs. Chili Powder
  •  2 Tsp. Dried Oregano
  •  2 Tsp. Cumin

6. Add the sautéed ingredients and the spices to the drained meat. Stir in 2 C. of canned tomatoes. Add 1 to 2 cups of bloody Mary mix. Stir and bring to a boil. Add one 15 oz. can of red kidney beans, lower heat, let simmer for 20 minutes.

7. Use these 20 minutes to fix yourself a drink, enjoy the enticing odors coming from your kitchen, and contemplate the wondrous thing you have wrought. Then help yourself to a bowl of your masterpiece, sprinkle shredded cheddar cheese on top and serve with Doritos and a frosty mug of Boulevard Bully Porter.

8. Be sure to have an extra pair of undershorts handy.

Venison Chili Recipe

Venison Chili

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About BruceCochran

Bruce Cochran graduated from Oklahoma University in 1960 with a B.A. in design. He worked as a humor writer/illustrator for Hallmark Cards from 1960 – 1962 and has freelanced as a writer, cartoonist and illustrator since then. Cochran drew daily sports cartoon for USA Today from 1983 – 1991. He has 10 humor/cartoon books published by Willow Creek Press and his work appears regularly in Wyoming Wildlife, Outdoor News, On Wisconsin Outdoors, Pheasants Forever Journal, Wildfowl, Gundog, Ducks Unlimited magazine, Delta Waterfowl and other publications. He also writes and illustrates a regular humor column for Wyoming Wildlife News. Bruce won first place in the magazine humor category of OWAA’s EIC contest in 2000, 2004, 2008, 2009, and 2010. Life Sponsor: Ducks Unlimited. Life member: NRA. Member: Pheasants Forever, Trout Unlimited, OWAA and Outdoor Writers of Kansas.

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