A true story about turkey hunting in the Missouri Ozarks and how things can just go all to shit when you least expect it.
I’ve never shot a deer with a truly atypical rack. I once shot a little buck with only one antler but I figured he was born with a standard rack and had half of it knocked off in a fight. I’ve shot a few bucks with more points on one side than the other but I don’t think that’s considered atypical as far as official Boone & Crockett scoring goes.
But THIS guy has a decidedly ATYPICAL rack, what we would call deformed, like a guy with six fingers on one hand. I owe these wonderful photos to my friend Dave Zumbaugh’s trail cam. Dave lives just outside Shawnee Mission Park in eastern, Kansas where white tails practically outnumber the leaves on the trees. So Dave’s trail cam get’s a LOT of cool shots like these.
When this big Kansas whitetail buck was born The Lord told him, “Son, I’ve got good news and bad news. The good news is that I’m giving you a BRAIN. It’s a wonderful thing. You can use it to find food and to keep from getting shot by some redneck with a rifle or bow. And I’m giving you a PENIS, which is also a wonderful thing. It will bring you great pleasure and you can use it to propagate your species.” The little buck said, “Golly! That sounds great! But what’s the bad news?” to which The Lord answered, “I’m only giving you enough blood supply to use one of them at a time.”
You can see where this big guy hides out in the daytime. He usually comes out to play only in the daylight. But look what he’s doing. Which of God’s gifts do you think he’s using now?
A big thank you to my buddy Scott and his army of trail cams for sharing this photo with me.
If it seems like I’ve been doing this a long time it’s because I’ve been doing this a long time. My first cartoon about outdoor sports was published in Sports Afield…or maybe it was Field & Stream, in 1964.It was followed by a long stream of others too humorus to mention.
Every year hunting apparel manufacturers bring out at least one new camouflage pattern. Pity the poor soul who shows up at hunting camp sporting last year’s pattern. And if you’re seen wearing the original old government issue brown-over-more-brown pattern…well…turn in your man card and go play jumprope with the girls.
This story was published in the November 2003 issue of Bowhunting magazine.